I'd feel so ridiculous if I was hiding myself for years and eventually I found out everyone else was playing along with me being in the closet. Personally, I'd want my parents to come talk to me if they found out before my coming out. On the other hand, you do already know, for better or worse, and pretending you don't until your son tells you on his own could create its own set of problems. Forcing that discussion prematurely could be somewhat stressful even though you're accepting (in the sense that maybe he hasn't quite yet distilled what exactly he identifies as). The only downside of this nonchalant approach is that you're taking his coming out moment away from him, and I'd say it's pretty important for any LGBT teen to control when, how and to whom they talk about it. It would still be a bit of a jab so he can be a bit more discreet with his activity in the future, but at the same time you should imply that the type of porn he was watching isn't something that could be an issue with you (but make sure he understands the implication that you're not making a big deal out of it because you're cool with it, not because you're pretending it never happened, hoping it'll go away). Playfully tell him that next time he wants to watch porn, he should probably use incognito mode on a shared computer. Should I say something or pretend I never saw it? Is there some middle ground that leaves it open to discussion if he wants to talk about it? I've screwed up a lot of things as a father. What would have helped you in this situation? I want him to know that I'll support him no matter what he becomes as he grows up, but I don't want to embarrass him about the porn thing or push him to reveal things he doesn't want to. So, I come here to ask for advice from people that were once gay teenagers. My son has never said anything to me about his orientation, and I'm sure he wouldn't talk to my mom (who would not be pleased) about it. It's the longest my son and I have lived together since my wife was sick.
My mom is travelling for a month, so he's been living with us. He has been spending more time with me, and with my girlfriend who he seems to get along with pretty well.
For the past two years I've gotten sober and rebuilt my life, and my son has started trusting me again. My life kind of went off the rails, and my son moved in with my mom, where he still lives most of the time. My wife died four years ago, and both my son and I took it very hard. There's a long back story that may matter for this situation, but I'll try to keep it short.
As a result, I've learned that 1) he looks at gay porn a lot 2) he doesn't look at straight porn and 3) he doesn't understand why browsers have a private mode.
He's been using my PC lately because his laptop screen is broken.